Until recently the refuge of hipsters gone to seed, kickball games sprung up in urban parks from Echo to Humbolt and McCarren. While it has been concurrently fashionable to deride these doughy underachievers with their American Apparel sweatbands and seemingly fun, quirky lifestyles, NP staff say if you can’t join them, beat them.
At a different game that they’re not allowed to play! Ultra Exclusive Four Square is like the Yale Club before they let in people from Dartmouth on exchange.
You'll need:
4 relatively even squares of pavement
1 ball stolen from a playground, preferably rubber, bigger than a broomball, smaller than a kickball
1 velvet rope
4 posts
4 slabs of marble
Erect the 4 slabs of marble around the 4 squares of pavement to create a room. We suggest hinging one of them so that you can get in or out.
As NP staff recall, something happens in Four Square with a King and Queen. Something to do with levels of achievement. Declare yourself king by stabbing the other person, or simply by reciting your CV to yourself, softly.
With corporate budgets and rosters rapidly evaporating, former inter-firm soccer and softball standouts will soon be riding the pine. Gone are the days of flashy company jerseys, bountiful Heineken-stocked coolers, and Monday morning bragging rights.
And the prospects for other traditional recreation (the annual trip to Aspen; shamanic voyage in the Yucatan) are even less rosy still.
With its reliance on a loose set of rules and rudimentary equipment (one red ball, medium sized), kickball is accessible to everyone, regardless of athletic prowess or portfolio stability. That’s why Four Square is the New Kickball. It’s only accessible to people you deem worthy, or who are around in the afternoons, like you, having been laid off from their jobs for making too much money.
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